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What’s your Sports Twi-Q?

09.02.10 at 12:51 pm ET

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to ‘€œName that Tweet’€–the game show where everybody’€™s a loser (including the host)! Either an athlete or a celebrity posted the following 140-character thoughts on their twitter account over the past couple weeks. It’€™s your job to figure out who produced these Shakespearean efforts.

1. ‘€œIn the last year I’ve spoke at Harvard, Stanford, Oxford, and Wharton Schools of Business.. Today, I debate Skip Bayless on ESPN !!!’€

Lance Armstrong or MC Hammer?

I can see how you get the two confused. Lance built Livestrong into one of the world’€™s most powerful fundraising efforts, slapping his organization’€™s moniker on everything from t-shirts to tea kettles. I’€™d be shocked if they didn’€™t make Livestrong thongs. Meanwhile, MC built himself into one of the world’€™s most powerful fund-blowing efforts, amassing $13 million in debt and filing for bankruptcy. So, naturally, they’€™re both perfectly suited to shape the minds of the world’€™s brightest business students.

Answer: Click here.

2. ‘€œSo.. caught up on Trueblood las nite.. Not a fan of how they get u hooked with the 1st 2 seasons then bring on a barrage of homosexuality’€

Todd Herremans or Chamillionaire?

When I’€™m watching True Blood, I’€™m often wondering, ‘€œWhat do Todd Herremans and Chamillionaire think of this episode?’€ I can picture them now: the 6-foot-6, 321-pound Philadelphia Eagles offensive lineman from Michigan and the 5-foot-nothing, 100-and-nothing rapper from Houston cuddled up on a couch ‘€¦

‘€œExcuse me, Chamillionaire, can you please pass the popcorn?’€
‘€œAbsolutely, Todd. Would you perchance like a refill on that soda pop?’€

Answer: Click here.

3. ‘€œI got 5k for whoever see @ihatekatstacks and slap the shit out her pigeon face a**. Real talk. U f***ed with the right one now’€

50 Cent or Carmelo Anthony?

Fifty has been shot at least nine more times than I have. He’€™s made his bones with upbeat lyrics like, ‘€œIf the roof on fire, let the motherf***er burn.’€ And his Twitter rants make Mel Gibson seem like Mr. Rogers. You’€™d think Melo would steer clear of threatening women, considering he’€™s entering a contract year. But I wouldn’€™t put it past anybody who’€™s tried to transport their weed in a backpack through an airport.

Answer: Click here.

4. ‘€œim gonna be ok just need 2 rest but i wanted all of u 2 know i never want to let any of u down. ever. i really appreciate all the kind words’€

Justin Bieber or Serena Williams?

Even with the bum ankle that kept her out of the US Open, Serena Williams would beat the hell out of Justin Bieber, right? She’€™d pull her ‘€œI swear to God, I’€™m f***ing taking this ball and I’€™m shoving it down your f***ing throat’€ routine. After all, Bieber had to reschedule a recent concert because of throat trouble. True story.

Answer: Click here.

5. “Last night was stupid… 35k at Haze… Totals 50k something the whole day. Damn!! Going to the pool again today … Gotta relax!”

Marcus Jordan or Brody Jenner?

They’€™re both heirs to ‘€¦ well ‘€¦ air. Marcus is the son of Air (Michael) Jordan, the greatest basketball player ever. Brody is the son of airhead (Bruce) Jenner, the greatest procreator of reality TV stars ever. Both kids blow more money in a day than most people make in a year. I smell a Tom Brokaw book: The Greediest Generation.

Answer: Click here.

Thanks for playing, folks. If you got four or more wrong, you’€™re a Twimbecile. If you got four or more right, you’€™re Tweinstein. And that’€™s enough with the terrible Twitter puns. So long everybody, and, as Bob Barker said, ‘€œHave your pets spayed or neutered!’€

Read More: 50 Cent, Brody Jenner, Carmelo Anthony, Chamillionaire